A roller coaster of a week

Firstly, it's been a super busy week, not had much time to think about anything, have been concentrating on getting my website up and running and promoting my brand. Trying to do that for free is tough going!  But, notably, I am much more inclined to be busy rather than feel sorry for myself and all lethargic cause my pain and bloating is vastly improved.

I felt a bit odd last Friday night, nothing specific at all, just uncomfortable and odd. Then Saturday morning I started to spot - that would be cycle day 22, so really not due a bleed on a regular cycle. Anyhow, this has continued all week. Not a great deal of flow at all, but lots and lots of clots. So my conclusion from that is that I did have some fibroids, and they are breaking down.  It's now a week later and all has been quiet this evening, but I'm yet to be convinced that it's stopped.

I also decided Monday night that I was using all this as an excuse not to make an effort with dieting. I did think it was valid that I see what side effects I got from prostap so I could be clear it was from that, but how long did that really need to go on for? I wasn't really enjoying food, just eating crap for the sake of it, missing meals for a packet of crisps and all that shenanigans. So, Tuesday morning I started cold Turkey back on plan. I decided too that all this messing about with it and adding in extra this and extra that is just ridiculous, so it would be 4 packs and veg and milk (cause of the calcium sapping effects of prostap - I missed out milk the first time round). And do you know what, it's actually been fine. Today I got some bloating late afternoon that has stayed around and is testing me and my anxieties but I know it's wind, and I'm pretty sure it's stemming from a mild level of dehydration - I've had a really busy rushing around hassly day and haven't had enough fluids. That needs to be a lesson I remember!

All things considered....

I didn't want prostap, really didn't want it at all, not one bit.  Guess I need to eat my words now. Think this would be preferable to having major surgery with all that recovery to follow. I've not taken a single painkiller since I had it, I've had some pain at some times but all of it has been bearable and all of it has come and gone, there hasn't been a constant underlying discomfort that waxes and wains through to awful pain where any painkiller has little effect on.   

So, day 20, had some pulling pains today particularly on the left but a little on the right too. But then it's gone and it's ok, it doesn't hang about and it doesn't linger.  I have decided that as the weight has been creeping back on that I really need to make an effort with the vlcd again, fitness is important but that's just an excuse to eat more when I think about it, and I can't afford to get any bigger, I'm about at the limit of my stretchy clothes and need to slim down. I've got the jewellery on the go now to keep my mind occupied and have to walk some way into work now too, so the time is right to get back in that zone. Sunday is probably a good day to start :)

Cycle day 19 - so tired

That's just taken some working out! Seem to be suffering se quite a lot today, not sure if prostap or patch related, but new patch was on yesterday.  Boobs hurt, like really hurt, every time I catch them, only a little bit - which is more often than you think until you are on high pain alert! Also having some discomfort with left hip, but only in the hip, before this would have been right down my leg at this stage.

Bloating is very much improved, had some yesterday but think that was my lunch rather than anything else lol. Having some small headaches, and feeling low on energy which is common with me at this cycle point.  All in all, so far, so good really. The pain and discomfort is so much less.

Just wish I could trust the patch would stay on if I had a nice long relaxing bath..... :)

A few days have passé by with some weird things going on.... or not

Firstly, it's been a few days, apologies, my OH has been staying while working close by which, although lovely, has thrown my routine out somewhat. Ok, Thursday, cycle day 13? Wicked bad bearing down ovulation type pains, for a few hours in waves, then gone. Left behind for a further day or so, pressure in my bum on sitting, felt like I had no padding at all and had been sat for hours on a hard bench.  Then gone. No lingering one pain into another thing. I have a bit of a stiff back but I always do when OH is here cause I don't think I move about so much in the bed, so that is fairly normal.

Very little bloating still, pleased with that, but think I have a little overall oedema as I'm getting comments from loved ones about weight gain - I've not put any on but do look puffy, and have noticed that socks appear really tight from the marks they are leaving but aren't at all.

So, I'm now in the second half of my cycle and I don't feel uncomfortable all the time as would be usual. I do feel a bit tired, lethargic, walking through treacle, lead legs etc but often did with a higher progesterone level, so guess maybe I'm still cycling to some degree.  I know I do want to go back to my weight loss plan, but have promised myself a full cycle without ketosis so I can identify prostap/hrt se without the confusion of ketosis/vlcd thrown into the mix.

All very interesting. I have still got some pain at some times, but overall it is much improved, and I think the pain left may be related to adhesions, but still, I would be happy if a hysterectomy gave the pain improvements I've seen so far with prostap and could much more easily manage what's left.

How did it get to be nearly Wednesday already?

Wow!  That all went by more than a bit too quick.  Didn't write yesterday as I was entirely wiped out by the acupuncture session.  I'm pleased to know that despite not being able to do much myself about the anxiety, from an acupuncture pov, I was correct in thinking that's what it was (and indeed is, as it continues to exist).  I recall from having acupuncture previously (as a side note I need to call it something else as I always struggle to type that word!) that if you can really feel a pin going in, and all the way through the session, and afterwards too - then that is a spot that needs some work - I really felt 5 of mine, with 3 of them (the left side.. hmm) still aching today.  I looked them up on charts - all related very closely to anxiety.  And, to boot, the very worst one is Shen men - the spirit gate - on my hand is directly below where my arthritis pain is in each hand, so now I'm thinking back to see if that pain is worse when I'm feeling the stress.  It's certainly better on holiday, but I'd put that down to the warmer weather.  Perhaps I should look inside myself more often.

I felt I did benefit from that one session alone, but I will need some more.  My swallowing feels much weaker - or should I say when I get the feeling that I can't swallow, it feels weaker, the sensation isn't so all consuming, I feel I can more easily stop it and get the control back.  So I shall continue for now.

I'm also on my second patch as of this morning.  Having to think what cycle day I would be on - day 11 I think - I'm having an occasional twinge, quite sharp in nature and very much located around my uterus area, but it's done and over with, it's not lingering.  I'm also suffering much less with trapped wind, and my afternoon bloating is all but gone.  The only other real side effect that I've read of and seem to be suffering with on occasion is entirely forgetting words.  It could become quite challenging, but today for example, I stopped what I was doing and made myself think what the word was (and I didn't google a description of it either!) - I managed to recall it eventually, but it took some doing!  Hopefully that will be short lived, or having a conversation with me may become very much like the Rowntree's random advert!

It's early days yet, but so far so good I think, I'm still at a point in my cycle where I would be expecting the least pain, so it's following that at the moment, working towards the weekend I would ordinarily be getting more pain on the left side and in my hip with some bearing down type pressure all round over the weekend - we'll see what goes on.. :)

And so another day ends...

All is fine. Today passed by far too quickly, but I guess that's what happens when you are doing things you enjoy. If only we could reverse it with the slow boring days that seem to go on forever. Today I made jewellery, my planned post op recovery activity, but then I had planned to be post operatively recovering by now! Had a couple of customer orders to complete and wanted to teach myself how to follow a bead weaving pattern.  I'm really pleased with the end result.  In fact, let's put a picture in here for something a little different...

I followed the pattern til I got to the centre, it was supposed to be the same all the way round but I figured it would look better with a bit of a feature in the middle. Saw the most beautiful woven bracelet yesterday in Leeds, would be amazing to be able to make something as intricate as that one, but I don't think this is too shabby a start at all.

And so my day passed by far too quickly. I'm feeling pretty much ok, aware of a couple of things that may be Prostap related - still have this thirst/dry mouth malarkey and have had a couple of fluttery things going on that I guess could be palpitations perhaps, not recalling having them before so not entirely sure.  A little bit of that anxiety thing, which is annoying but amusing - never in a million years would I ever have imagined not being able to or wanting to eat, it's absolutely the bizarrest thing.

Which reminds me - acupuncture tomorrow.

Cycle wise, day erm.... 8, normally a bit quiet symptoms wise and still is. Fairly tired though, so think ill slope off to bed now :)

A good day had

With a patch on to boot. Had a good read through of the bumph last night, they are combined patches so my add back therapy is giving me the whole shebang. Got to wonder how that will work really - give me an injection to stop my own hormones from giving me a cycle to turn off the pain then slap on a patch to absorb a whole load of fake hormones.... Hmmm, that's puzzling. Which probably means it's working.

Just as a side note, I don't know if my new downstairs neighbours are incredibly noisy, or if the two other sets of downstairs neighbours I've had in 5 years have been exceptionally quiet, but their banging around is driving me to distraction. Maybe the patches are working, I'm feeling narky!  They have a little girl, I suspect she may like jumping up and down on her bed, off the walls, off the ceiling and then onto her drum kit. Perhaps I shall have to train the cats to run faster and harder at 5am as payback.

With Molly's arrival last night I didn't get down that I had booked an acupuncture session for Monday. I think it will help with anxiety. Tonight I've had trouble eating again (in itself not a bad thing, could do to drop some poundage) because of the choking thought then being unable to swallow then etc etc - can't write too much cause it'll set me off again, so I really am fairly convinced it's anxiety. If I can't get a lid on it one then I expect it'll just get worse as the op gets closer, so acupuncture could be the answer. It's kind of worse cause I know what it is, but my attempts at self help through reading only escalate it further. Sometimes I feel like a right div, it feels like such a daft thing but when it starts I really can't stop it - half of tonight's tea still in the fridge is proof enough of that.

Anyhow, today. I went to this metal stamping workshop which was great. There was only me there so I just got on with it, learnt the basic techniques and made a couple of key rings and a dog tag for Ruby (M & D's Boxer). Loved it, and so much easier than I thought it would be, even my first attempt was pretty good, and it opens up a HUGE range of possibilities for Laylah Stone Jewellery. I have to be a little patient as my kit has been ordered and won't arrive til the end of the week, but I've got a couple of bits and pieces from eBay and ordered a range of copper findings too. Might go check out the washers section in B&Q tomorrow (plumbing type, not a Zanuzzi). Got so many ideas I don't quite know where to start.  One thing is for sure though, the actual stamping part is not an activity for immediate post op, it'll be one to wean myself into after the first few weeks have passed I think, but can be beading lots of other bits ready for finishing off.

Actually, think I might go browse DIY.com now.... :)

The end of day 3ish

Or is that day 2, I'm already confused so I guess it starting to work! If I had the first injection Wednesday afternoon, now it's Friday night...ah, that'll be a little over 48 hours so only just into day 3 I guess.  See how I have to work that all through in small manageable stages!

Now, the thing is, I have a bunch of stuff going on, but I've no idea if it's the Prostap or not. Last night and this, and through the day too, I have a thirst, more like a dry mouth, right at the back, like I've got several little dried out patches. Weird, but I have also had a bit of an icky throat going on today too, and as I did public transport on Wednesday (it doesn't happen very often) it could just be a bit of a cold bug thing and nothing to do with Prostap. But how would I know? Maybe the lovely ladies that also find themselves on this blooming injection all get a bit upset about it, just because of the circumstance, and then it becomes a side effect with a self fufilling prophecy - go on Prostap, get a bit depressed, maybe I'm starting a new side effect here, get a sore throat, when really it's a side effect of sitting on a bus with the great unwashed!

I made a decision today that I need to nip this anxiety thing in the bud before it gets any bigger. To that end I'm going to make the time to do things I want to do. Tonight for example I've had a lovely candle lit lavender oil bath with my calming music app playing. Not quite as relaxing as I imagined cause Molly was just being an absolute tonic. What a wonderful kitten she is, never fails to raise a smile, she decided to hit bubbles with her paws, dipped her tail in the water and then wondered where the dripping was coming from. So my relaxing was more like laughter therapy.  Tomorrow I'm booked on a metal stamping course, to see if I can manage it with my insanely weak wrists - I hope so cause I'm a big fan of hand stamped jewellery, would be great to be able to create my own, would be a real addition to my etsy store (shameless plug coming up - Laylah Stone Jewellery - also on Facebook).

And on that note I shall end as Molly has come for a goodnight cuddle so she'll be sat on my iPad if I don't switch off!

Nothing yet!

So I've done my first day in menopause. What a breeze lol. If only! I'm very much aware that I haven't yet got much of a clue of what will happen, how noticeable it will be and what the seven shades of hell will actually do to me! Or perhaps it'll be great, just an ending to this almost constant pain, a dawning realisation that the aching isn't there anymore, the bloating that makes me so uncomfortable every day is no longer so bad...

A full day of having this fake stuff in me, the only thing I felt really was the blooming painful injection site, took my mind off the sciatica though, do guess that should be seen as a bonus. This morning it's really not obvious at all, even a quick prod and I'm not sure exactly where the needle went in, yesterday I could have pinpointed it at a hundred paces. If the rest goes this way then I think I shall be happy.  I'm going to note my cycle day so I can compare the before and after. Today is cycle day 7, this would normally be a little bit of left over sciatica, a little bit of toothache type aching in my left leg - that's pretty much what I have this morning so no change yet.  Pick up my patches prescription later today, think I will research these a little further before randomly slapping one on, I believe that the prostap can cause a surge of hormones to start with do I probably don't want to add a patch full of more just yet or I'll just be a heap of soggy crying tissues on the floor!

Was a little anxious last night, need to get a handle on that, it's affecting my swallowing and I get that whole choke thing going on, all a bit daft but not entirely sure how to deal with it yet as reading about it makes it worse! Oh dear, one to casually ponder for a while I think.

The very first day of being medically middle aged

Pah! Seriously not amused. Mainly because the consultant I saw today - sorry, the Clinical Director no less - made absolute sense in his insistence that Prostap really was necessary before having a TAH. I was absolutely determined not to have these God-awful injections that I've failed to find anything nice about them that Google has warranted a listing for, but once it's all been explained, it seems to be the grown up sensible approach to life altering major surgery - make sure it's all going to work in a reversible way first before we go for the permanent option that might just end up increasing further my already increased chances of developing heart disease.

So, after my reasons for surgery now were entirely dismissed with nothing more than a casual nod from said CD Bossman, I am now the owner of a rather sore injection site at the top of my right buttock, waiting on a prescription for HRT patches to be changed twice weekly. I return in 4 weeks to add another sore site to the left side, and will continue in this way until I return from holiday mid-June. My plan to spend the rest of the winter recovering on my sofa surrounded by magic healing kittens has been scuppered, but guess that'll be a nicer thing to do over the summer - particularly if we get a repeat of last years summer too. Thought I'd put together a blog of random thoughts as it seems possible my memory may rapidly fade now I'm getting on a bit, at least by having a record I will be able to recall that on day 3 I found the remote in the fast freeze section of the fridge freezer. That might help on day 27 when I've searched everywhere but....